I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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