I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
