When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Drake has all the answers
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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