Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
