someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
