So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
