i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
