The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
