I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
