just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
