This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
