Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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