You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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