i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
