sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
