Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
