i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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