sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You ruined the universe
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
