oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
