I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
