So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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