I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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