I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
