He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He passed out mid-signature
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
