it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
