Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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