I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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