Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
