did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
