Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
