Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
my poor anus
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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