Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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