i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
