Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
