she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
