My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I die, sorry about rent.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
