I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
