You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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