i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
