i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
