I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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