Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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