she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
