Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
