just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
