I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i need some magic done to my vagina
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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