All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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