i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
