i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
