consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
