you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
